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The answer is simple: You cannot pick the best weight loss plan for your own personal situation unless you first pinpoint the cause(s) of your overeating.
Some people overeat primarily out of habit and/or because of lifestyle factors. Others use food for comfort or a way to mask unpleasant feelings. For many individuals, their weight problem stems from a combination of habitual and emotional eating. In order for a weight loss plan to be successful, it must target those reasons and result in a lifestyle change, not just temporary loss of pounds.
To understand this concept a little better, let's look at the characteristics of a habitual overeater vs. an emotional overeater:
A habitual overeater often knows the guidelines for healthy eating (the right foods, the importance of exercise, etc.). However, time constraints and responsibilities often keep this person from following through with diet and exercise programs.
A person in this category might have a full-time job that requires many extra hours. They might join a health club with the best intentions of working out at least three days a week. They make it to the club for several months, but slowly their work responsibilities bump up on the priority list. Soon, they are paying for a membership that they rarely, if ever use. Or perhaps they are eating fast food for lunch because it is the easiest option, or maybe skipping lunch altogether and grazing on sugar and salt laden snacks from the vending machines. They start bringing healthy lunches from home and eating on a regular schedule. This works out well for a while, but then one morning they don't have the time to prepare their healthy lunch so they think, "Eating at McDonald's for just one day won't hurt." Or maybe they are in a meeting that runs long, so they skip lunch "just this once" and rely on snacks later. Soon, "just one day" becomes their daily routine again.
Some habitual eaters eat when they are not hungry, simply because it is what they are used to doing. These are people who unconsciously work their way through a tub of popcorn in the movie theater. At home, they munch mindlessly while watching television without realizing just how many empty calories they are consuming. They supersize their fast food meals or add fried with an automatic "yes," and they tend to eat everything on their plates without checking for fullness cues. They may feel uncomfortably full after a meal and not even realize why because they are so used to consuming large restaurant portions and then topping off the meal automatically with a king-sized dessert.
People in the habitual overeater category often have success at initial weight loss. Their biggest challenge comes in keeping the weight off. They make initial lifestyle changes, but these changes don't translate into a permanent commitment. The best approach for habitual eaters is a structured approach aimed at making permanent, realistic lifestyle changes. They do well with structured diet programs with pre-measured portions and pre-defined mealtimes. This re-teaches them when to eat and how to recognize realistic portion sizes.
But once weight loss occurs, it is critical to have a structured transition. If the new, healthy habits are not engrained, a habitual overeater will quickly revert to old patterns and regain the pounds. It is also helpful for habitual overeaters to combine their eating plan with planning, goal setting, and prioritization. When dealing with this clients, I take a strong cognitive approach to help them create a realistic plan and, most importantly, to make it a priority so they will stick with it.
An emotional overeater uses food for emotional reasons rather than just to satisfy hunger and meet their nutritional needs. At some point in their lives, either in childhood or adulthood, they learn to view food as a convenient comfort item. Sometimes it begins when their parents use candy as a reward for good behavior or to cheer them up when they have skinned a knee. This is fine on an occasional basis, but when it is done excessively, the child begins to equate sugary treats and salty snacks with positive emotions. They carry this perception into adulthood, and when they experience negative emotions, they use food to cheer themselves up. Ironically, while indulging in comfort food may temporarily make them feel better, they often feel excessive guilt for overeating.
Other people develop emotional overeating patterns in adulthood. They may start out as habitual overeaters; for example, a person with a stressful job might be skipping lunch and eating convenient sugary snacks from the vending machines. Eventually, that person might learn to enjoy the carbohydrate boost and learn to rely on snacking as a way to relieve their work stress.
No matter how the emotional connection to food is developed, the end result is the same. Emotional overeaters are trapped in a dangerous cycle of eating to mask or relieve negative emotions. This works temporarily, but then the negative emotions return. Often, the original bad feelings are compounded by guilt and frustration caused by the eating binge. This may trigger yet another binge, and the person is unable to break free of this destructive pattern.
Often, an emotional overeater's self-esteem is closely tied in with their weight an appearance. They allow shame and embarrassment to keep them from doing enjoyable activities. For example, they may not swim because they are afraid that other people will ridicule them if they wear a swimsuit. They may avoid taking a vacation that requires an airplane flight because of the embarrassment if they had to ask for a seat belt extension or could not fit into one seat.
Many emotional overeaters feel that their lives would be much better if they could only shed their excess pounds. Rather than looking at their life issues objectively, they use their weight as a convenient way to avoid focusing on other issues. This avoidance often fuels the negative feelings that trigger the compulsive eating.
Emotional eaters can benefit from some insight oriented therapy combined with dietary modifications. Knowing how their behaviors started can help them stop using food as an emotional crutch. Next, they can use cognitive/behavioral techniques to identify their triggers and deal with them in a healthy manner rather than masking them with overeating.
Click here for details on the "Permanent Weight Loss: Fads Vs. Facts" seminar
If you have a question about a life issue that you would like to see addressed in a future article, email Barb at barb@mailblocks.com
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Reflection: A Power Communication Technique
Embrace Your Feelings
July 8, 2004 - Reflection: A Powerful Communication Technique
by Barb Nefer, M.A., Counseling Psychology
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and been accused of not listening? If they asked you to repeat what they just said, would you able to do it? And not just the last words, but an accurate summary of what they are trying to communicate to you?
Maybe you're on the other end. You feel that no one really listens to you. You think you are being as clear as a crystal lake, but for them the water might as well be swirling with clouds of mud.
Saying. “Are you paying attention?” or “You’re not listening to me!” will only raise the other person’s defenses and strengthen the barriers that block understanding. So how can you check for attentiveness and understanding in a non-combative way?
There is a very simple but powerful technique to ensure that you understand others and that they are truly listening to you, too: Reflection. This simple technique is part of a simple but powerful communicaton process called Active Listening. When you employ it, you ensure that communication has taken place because both parties know that not only have they been heard, but also fully understood.
Reflection, as its name implies, simply means to “reflect,” or summarize, what you believe that the other person said. If your reflection is accurate, the conversation continues. If not, they have an opportunity clarify any misunderstandings. Then, you reflect the correction, and the process is repeated as needed until you are sure that you have correctly interpreted what the speaker means to convey.
Reflection is a critical part of the communication process because we put everything we hear through our own personal filters and interpretations. What does “a couple of minutes” means? Two minutes? Five? Ten? The definition can vary widely, depending on who you ask. When you say, “I’ll get to that as soon as I can,” you may mean tomorrow or next week, but the person you are speaking to may interpret it as this afternoon, or even in an hour.
Reflection eliminates these uncertainties in a simple, efficient, and non-threatening way. You state your interpretation, and the other person automatically has their chance to clarify. Both parties know they are getting the other person’s full attention; knowing that you will be expected to reflect is a powerful incentive to focus on the speaker instead of letting your attention wander.
If you will be using this technique, it’s important to get the agreement of both parties up front. You will need to set some groun rules: each person will have the opportunity to speak without interruption, and then they will pause for the other person's reflection. Once any necessary clarifications have been made and reflected, it is the other person's turn. This process goes back and forth until the conversation concludes. Obviously, this process is geared more to converstions that have a specific goal rather than general social conversation.
Reflection is just one part of the Active Listening process. You can learn more about this process in my four-week seminar that combines online material with activities and phone consultations. Click here for more information, or click here to take a quiz and learn how your perceptions of Active Listening stack up to reality.
Click here to take an online quiz to see how much you know about Active Listening.
Click here for details on the "Listen Up! Active Listening Skills for Life Improvement " seminar
If you have a question about a life issue that you would like to see addressed in a future article, email Barb at barb@mailblocks.com
June 28, 2004 - Embrace Your Feelings
by Barb Nefer, M.A., Counseling Psychology
As psychology turns toward a biological view of the world, people increasingly view their emotions as the inconvenient effect of a certain mix of brain chemicals. They deny, repress, and medicate those feelings instead of embracing and exploring them. The ability to feel is one of the most important things that make us uniquely human. We feel for a reason. Brain chemicals and hormones certainly play a role, but we cannot neglect the contribution of our past experiences and current situation.
Feelings are a part of the natural progression of life. Sometimes they are unpleasant, but they are still a part of the rich tapestry of the human experience. I’m amazed at the number of people who receive a prescription for Prozac because they are grieving after the death of a loved one. I’m not referring to an abnormal grief period, but simply to a normal reaction. Unfortunately, the meaning of “normal” is changing. Behavior that was once considered to be natural and acceptable is now pathologized and labeled as a disorder. The grieving process for a close loved one isn’t over in a day, a week, or even a month. But in our rush to get on with our everyday lives and to fulfill our responsibilities, we chemically interrupt the natural process.
Other emotions, such as anger or jealousy, as typically labelled “bad.” But no emotion is inherently negative. The negative comes from the way we handle it or express it. Anger can be used in “bad” ways, such as road rage, destroying property, and mentally or physically abusing others. But it can also be channeled into an agent for positive change. On a large scale, anger at being treated unfairly inspired Rosa Parks to refuse to move to the back of the bus. Acting on this “negative” feeling caused a positive turning point the civil rights battle. On a smaller scale, anger at mistreatment can spur a battered spouse to seek help or convince someone trapped in a bad work situation to address the issue rather than ignoring it and letting their stress level build.
Anger should be managed and expressed in appropriate ways, but it should never be ignored. When you stuff a feeling deep down inside, it doesn't magically disappear. Many therapists believe that depression is the result of anger turned inward. Anger, like any emotion, is an inherent part of our humanity, and we should embrace it and be open to its message.
The same is true for jealousy. It is negative when it causes us to talk badly about someone else or to do something that will have a negative effect. But it can be a catalyst for positive change if we are willing to embrace and explore it. Are we jealous because our neighbor just got another promotion at work? What are the factors in our own life that are blocking us from enjoying similar success? Are we jealous of our friend’s child is on the honor role again? Do we have realistic expectations of our own child? Are we making a fair comparison?
Fear is another emotion that is perceived as negative and avoided whenever possible. But it can help us to pinpoint areas that we need to examine further. When we know what is holding us back, we can look at the reasons and determine whether they are valid.
Let's look at an example from my therapy practice. The example is true, but the details have been changed to protect the client's confidentiality. Prior to entering therapy, this client was experiencing anxiety attacks. His family doctor prescribed Xanax, which alleviated the problem. But shortly thereafter, he fell into a deep depression and went to see a psychiatrist, who prescribed Prozac without any discussion of possible causes for the problem.
When this client saw me for the first time, he characterized his problem as, “Some kind of huge chemical imbalance.” He couldn’t understand why medication only worked for a while before his feelings returned. As we talked, I learned that he was worried because he had just reached his 50th birthday, and he was at a dead end in his career. He was having severe financial difficulties, and he was concerned about his six adult children who were still dependent on their parents. The issues with the children, coupled with his other worries, were fueling fights with his wife. No wonder he was feeling anxious and depressed!
In cases like the one above, medication only masks the problem. It may be useful as a temporary aid to help the client function, but unless the core issues are explored, the underlying condition will not improve.
In the case described above, I guided the client in making an inventory of his life, separating the things he could control from those he could not. Next, we worked on a plan to address the controllable issues and to neutralize his reactions to the uncontrollable ones. He was able to make some meaningful changes that improved some of the problems. Realistically, there were some thing that he couldn't do anything about, but he learned to separate events from his reaction to those events (a core principle of cognitive pychology).
There are many ways in which you can embrace your feelings and use what they are telling you. Because I am a cognitive therapist, I favor cogntive counseling because I like its action-oriented approach. But no matter what approach you use, and whether it is alone or in conjunction with medication, the aim should be to embrace your feelings and to use them as a catalyst for positive change in your life.
I am developing a series of seminars/brief therapy programs entitled Embrace Life! The first program, Embrace Conflict, covers the positive side of confrontations and presents a blueprint for healthy conflicts with friends, family members, co-workers, and others. The four week program is done at your own convenience via online materials and phone consultations. If you are interested, click here for more details.
Note: Examples in this article are based on real cases, but details have been altered to protect the identity and privacy of the clients.
All articles are copyright 2004 B. N. Life Skills LLC, all rights reserved. If you would like to reprint any of Barb's articles, email barb@bnlifeskills.com for details.